When Your Present Flops - Grandparents.com

You spend a lot of time choosing just the right presents for your grandchildren. So what do you do when the kids hate them?

In one of our frequent phone conversations, my daughter told me that my toddler grandson loved dinosaurs and bubbles. So when I saw a dinosaur bubble-blower, I gleefully bought it. This was much more exciting than any bubble pipe I remembered. The dinosaur even made a growling sound as the bubbles poured out of its mouth. I knew my grandson was going to love it. The next time the family came to visit, I rushed over to hand him my surprise present — and he immediately hid behind his mother and refused to even look at it. I thought he would be old enough to enjoy such a toy. But I was wrong. My perfect gift turned out to be a perfect flop.

As it happens, my experience was not unusual. Dianne Jakowiczuk is the owner of Just For Little People (and others, too!), a Voorhees, N.J., shop specializing in hand-painted and personalized gifts. Jakowiczuk says that parents and grandparents often give gifts to children before the kids are developmentally ready for them. Manufacturers typically list a recommended age on their toys, and Jakowiczuk tries to make age-appropriate suggestions, but shoppers often disregard both. "People always think their kids are too old for the toys,” she says, an attitude that leads to disappointment at birthday and holiday parties.

Who Is the Gift Really for?

Another common mistake, Jakowiczuk says, is when gift-buyers get caught up in their own nostalgia, instead of taking the child’s particular personality into consideration. “Look at a gift from the child’s perspective, not its effect on you,” she advises.

Judy Harch of Mullica Hill, N.J., remembers the monkey sock puppet she and her daughter made together when her daughter was little. When she saw a newer version of the classic toy on sale, it brought back fond memories. The new puppets were larger than she remembered, with big eyes and oversized red mouths and they were dressed in a variety of costumes. She quickly snapped up three — a princess, a bride, and a diva complete with fur-trimmed hoodie and a microphone — for her granddaughter, Erin, who was 6 at the time. Then she watched eagerly as the girl opened the box and took out the present that Harch was sure she would treasure. Instead of delight, however, her granddaughter’s eyes showed fear. Clearly, bigger monkeys were not better monkeys. The puppets were hustled back into their boxes and stashed in a closet. Two years later, though, Erin, now 8, adores the puppets.

Should You Cave in?

Jakowiczuk’s store is filled with all kinds of toys, books, stuffed animals, puzzles, and dolls, but not everything sells equally well. Traditional, creative toys, especially, are no longer the big sellers they once were. “Kids want electronic toys," she says. But does that mean you should buy your grandchildren GameBoy cartridges at every birthday and holiday?

Grandmothers Fran Dash and Marlene Barth, both of Cherry Hill, N.J., have taken different approaches to gift-giving. Dash has four grandchildren, ages 10 to 18, each with rapidly changing tastes. “I just never knew what they wanted,” she says. “Then I couldn’t find the color or size. It was like taking pot shots.” So now she just checks with their mom to find out what stores they're into at a given moment, and gets them gift cards. Barth has two granddaughters, ages 4 and 5. She used to get them beautiful sweaters but at some point they stopped being hits. “Clothes are not gifts!” the girls told her. “Do you have anything else?” To avoid further rejection, Barth has started giving them "combination gifts" — clothes plus something they really want.

How Do You Handle Rejection?

So what's the best way to react to a child telling you that your carefully chosen birthday present just isn't up to snuff? Jessica Goldberg, project manager of the Massachusetts Healthy Families Evaluation (MHFE) at Tufts University, says you shouldn't feel too upset if your gift doesn't get the reception you hoped for. You have to understand that "kids act in the moment," she says. If a young child is sincerely disappointed by a gift, Goldberg says, it's okay to say, “Oh, I’m sorry you don’t like it. We’ll do better next time.” But at the same time, if an older child is rude about a gift, it's equally okay to let him or her know, “That kind of hurts my feelings.” A response like that gives children honest feedback and helps them reflect on how they reacted. Most important, Goldberg says, “Children need to know that a gift is showing their grandparents' love," and to respond appropriately.