An Open Discussion on Values
by Betty Woodward
Communicating morality to your grandchildren is one of the most important contributions you can make as a grandparent.
In my welcoming letter on Grandparents.com, I said I wanted to use my perch as grandparent-in-residence to write about issues of interest to all grandparents. I mentioned topics such as step-grandparenting and special-needs grandchildren. But since then, I’ve come up with another ten or 20 ideas to discuss — and I do mean discuss. These mini-essays are strictly opinion pieces, so you may have an entirely different take on any given subject. Or you may think I have ignored one of the most important issues of grandparenting. If so, I’d like to hear from you.
Meanwhile, here’s a subject I feel pretty passionate about — passing on values.
Now the term “values” is undoubtedly overused today. Glance through your local newspaper and chances are, you'll be able to spot the word in any number of stories.
But I’m interested in grandparents and what the term might mean to them. To some, it can simply mean the passing on of family traditions from one generation to the next. To others, values can carry a religious connotation. And some grandparents believe it specifically denotes “personal” values, such as honesty, self-reliance, civic responsibility, or dependability. Values oftentimes reflect the place where you live — your city or town or area of the country — or your ethnicity. And they are emblematic of a generation — so we grandparents may encounter some stumbling blocks in passing on our values to a generation a number of decades removed.
To me, passing on values to my grandchildren means conveying to them my beliefs about what is important in life. I think if I can communicate those core principles early on — and in a way that is not only understandable to the kids but acceptable to their parents — they will have a better chance of taking hold. And perhaps, in some small measure, these values might shield my grandkids as they grow older and encounter the incredible force of today’s culture and peer pressure.
I am not alone in being concerned about these principles. According to a Pew Research Center survey question from 2005, “Do you think that young people today have as strong a sense of right and wrong as they did, say, 50 years ago?” Only 18 percent said yes while 79 percent said no.
It is terribly important to me that my grandkids are part of that 18 percent. So in little ways, I have to start laying the foundation now. Thus the following story.
I am a strong supporter of Doctors Without Borders, an international organization that operates in the most desolate and difficult regions of the world. Not too long ago, I received a postcard from them, announcing that an exhibit called "A Refugee Camp in the Heart of the City" would be traveling to a number of cities, including Atlanta, where my son’s family lives. I slipped the postcard into an envelope and mailed it, hoping my granddaughters — twins, age 6, and their older sister, age 8 — would find it intriguing.
No initial response. But a week later I received another postcard with the Doctors Without Borders logo on it. This one was from the 8-year-old, who had carefully printed: “Dear Grammy, I just visited the Refugee Camp in Atlanta. What interested me most was that the women were the ones that went out to work and the men stayed home. But also that the children were the ones that got sick the most.”
Message sent. Message received. Value passed on.
| I believe that first we have to realize that values do change with the times, so it's best to stick to the basics rather than insisit on instilling our own version of morality. My grandmother's father wouldn't allow her and her sisters to look at the Sears Roebuck catalog because it contained pictures of mens and womwens underwear!
Especially in today's muticultural world, the most important value to learn is respecting the values of others. It's not coincidental that virtually every culture throughout history has had a version of The Golden Rule; "do unto others ....".
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| Yes, passing on what I value to my grand daughter is important to me. My daughter, her mother does not always agree but then her father and I hardly ever agreed on major issues and she turned out just fine. I think children take from us what is important to them and incorporate it into their own sets of values. And grand children will do the same, especially if we are open to listening to them and answering their questions honestly. It is very important to me that my grand child learn critical thinking skills early in life so she can separate fantasy from reality and draw her own conclusions about various traditions, especially those based on ancient religions. Right now, at age 4, she knows fairies and
Santa Claus are not real but fun to think about. She knows the difference between facts and fantasy and that is my most important legacy: believe in scientific evidence, not fairy tales. Fact versus fiction, reality versus fantasy, so long as she can tell these apart, she can develop her own philosophy of life without superstition and with both feet planted firmly on the gound. I find grandparenting simply grand.
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| I'm glad to see that there are more of us interested in passing on values to our grand children. I believe values begin at home and having a grandparent to validate the parents is very helpful. Our children need to see consistency within the family structure.
My Best,
Dorothy from grammology
http://grammology.com
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