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When grandchildren become teens, they face increased pressure to drink. But the influence of a strong grandparent can steer them toward the right choice.

The headline in our local paper — "More teens drink, more parents know it" — caught my eye. The story that followed, which sketched out the problem of underage drinking in our suburban New York county, was not news in itself. My husband and I had fought the battle of teenage drinking ourselves, with rules, lectures, informal chats, and (we hope) a good example throughout our kids' teen years.

What was different now, at least according to the article, was the attitude of today's parents toward alcohol and young people. The parents are "more aware, more permissive, and less likely to punish their kids when they break the rules," the paper reported. "And yet they underestimate how much their children drink."

The examples set by parents with a laissez-faire attitude have always concerned "law and order" moms and dads. But putting the blame solely on them is too simplistic. Today's parents are probably more permissive than we were, but so is society at large. And the push to grow up faster — get the iPhone, buy the designer jeans, have a standing manicure appointment, and get your face plastered on MySpace — is pervasive. It seems our grandchildren are not tweens or even teens anymore, but mini-adults.

So the fact that 22 percent of young people have used alcohol by age 13 is no big surprise. The real shocker is that the average age at which U.S. teens begin drinking regularly is 15.9, according to the Office of the Surgeon General. Today as many as 3 million teens are thought to be alcoholics — and millions more live with serious drinking problems.

We are all aware — having gone through it with our own children — that adolescence is a time of challenge, stress, and risk-taking. Teens are moving out of their parents' orbit and testing their own independence while still needing guidance and boundaries. Using alcohol may in fact be a natural part of this process of growth, but it has always been a dangerous one.

Teens may drink less often than adults but when they do, they drink more. Young people average about five drinks at each drinking session, again according to the Office of the Surgeon General. No wonder around 5,000 people younger than 21 die each year in the U.S. as a result of alcohol intoxication. The summer can be a particularly risky time — too much free time, too much hanging out. Parental monitoring, support, and communication are essential, but grandparents have a role to play, too:

* Always drink responsibly in front of your grandchildren, no matter their age. You are their heroes in many ways. Use that influence for good.

* Show them you can have a good time without drinking. Take them to the ballpark and have a soda instead of a beer. Skip the wine when you take them out to dinner.

* Have a heart-to-heart with the kids (but only after you get a "go ahead" from their parents). The greatest influence on their decision to drink or not is their immediate community — which includes family as well as peers. Explain to them how love and limits go hand-in-hand and that's why their parents and grandparents set boundaries.

And, in the end, always be there for them, in a nonjudgmental way. If your grandchildren trust you, they will talk to you. And that's half the battle right there.

Are you worried about your teen grandchildren abusing alcohol?   4 Answers Yes, I know that any teen can have problems.    100.0% No, we've helped raise them to know better.    0.0%

Are you worried about your teen grandchildren abusing alcohol?   Yes, I know that any teen can have problems. No, we've helped raise them to know better. Select your answer to see the current poll results.

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