R We 2 Old 2 Understand? - Grandparents.com

"If you have kids between the ages of 11 and 14," a middle-school guidance counselor recently wrote in an editorial in our local paper, "20 bucks says that they’re on the Internet right now.”

Or, just as likely, texting friends from their cell phones.

Either way, children are able to almost completely disengage from their families and relocate to a world only their friends and classmates experience and comprehend. If that sounds a bit dramatic, just think of how an influx of technological devices has changed the way our grandchildren communicate with each other — and with their parents.

Here’s one example. An article in The New York Times last month told of a Los Angeles father driving his 14-year-old daughter and two friends to a play. The girls had been chattering away in the back seat when, suddenly, a heavy silence materialized. The dad looked in the rearview mirror and saw his daughter typing on her phone. "You shouldn’t be texting all the time,” he told her. “Your friends are there. It’s rude.” But as it happened, the girl was simply texting the friend sitting next to her, so he wouldn’t hear what she was saying.

Meanwhile, students who claim they can’t get their homework done because of the volume of instant messages they receive each evening are increasingly frustrating the guidance counselor I mentioned above.

It’s not news that technology is a mixed blessing. From a grandparent’s point of view, I like the fact that my kids can reach their children whenever they need — to warn them of a change in plans, to find out what they are doing after school or to confirm an ETA at home. It's a nice security blanket.

But there is a dark side — young users have their own secretive way of communicating, a quirky, private code that even fairly hip parents cannot break. Worse, the bullying and trash talking endemic to online chat rooms can play havoc with a young kid’s self-esteem. Virtual harassment can even lead to dangerous real-world incidents — witness the recent report of six teenage girls accused of beating a classmate and filming the attack for broadcast on the Internet.

So what’s a grandparent to do? Most important, support your kids’ right to pull the plug — i.e., the power cord — when they feel their children are overusing or misusing the computer, or to place their teens' cell phones in a Time Out.

At the same time, however, don’t underestimate your own influence on your grandchildren. Gently coax them away from the computer and urge them to park their cell phones — just temporarily. Then turn your full, undivided attention toward them. Go for a walk, take in a movie — even better, visit the local library. Show them how satisfying traditional, F2F* conversation can be.