The Irish Grandparenting Experience

Dermot Sexton likes to tell stories. In the years since he came to the United States from Ireland in 1957, Sexton has accumulated plenty of them. His home in suburban New York is a series of lofty tales as well. Around his living room, the self-described “picture freak” has placed photographs of himself with the many dignitaries who have marched in the St. Patrick’s Day Parade over the years, including Mayor Rudolph Giuliani, Senator Hillary Clinton, and actress Maureen O’Hara, who was the parade’s grand marshal in 1999. The shot in the dining room with Cardinal John O’Connor is a particular favorite and draws forth the story from the 71-year-old gent, who hasn’t lost his thick Irish brogue, that he was the last one to touch the beloved cardinal’s coffin before it was sealed in the crypt of St. Patrick’s Cathedral.

“When you land in Dublin or Shannon, there's a feeling that comes over you and you feel like, 'I�m home and I�m back.'”

Sexton’s affection for all things Irish has kept him coming back for decades as a parade volunteer, one who's risen in the ranks to high-level muckety muck and runs a good portion of the joyous event. We had a chance to catch up with him while he was in the midst of coordinating the big, green day.

Grandparents.com: What is your job at the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in New York?

Dermot Sexton: I am the formation chairman of the east side of the parade. There’s a west side chairman as well. I’ve done both sides. This is my 41st year; I started in 1967 as a young fellow. My brother-in-law took me down there to help out. It was years before they even knew who I was. But when you do a good job, they don’t let you go.

GP: Who runs the parade?

DS: I'm a member of the ninth division of the Ancient Order of Hibernians, which means Old Ireland. People have that misconception that the city runs the parade. It's all big business, from Wall Street and banks. John Dunleavy is the chairman. We have meetings at the New York Athletic Club at 59th Street and Columbus Circle. We have to deal with big insurance that day, and Port-o-sans. It’s a big, big job. The parade needs money now. When Koch was mayor and when Giuliani was mayor, we didn’t have to pay for the stands. Now we do. We need at least $300,000 every year.

GP: Was the parade as big a deal back in 1967?

DS: Oh, God, yes. It was big then. In 2011 it will be 250 years old.

GP: Everyone is Irish on March 17.

DS: Most of the people walking in the parade call themselves American Irish. Some of these young kids don’t care about the parade. They’re here three, four, five generations and making a lot of money on Wall Street. They aren’t cops or firemen anymore. They are rising. My son was a big man on Wall Street. Every generation we try to do a little better.

GP: When does the parade start and what is the route exactly?

DS: It goes from 11 a.m. to 6:30 at night, from 44th to 86th Street, along Fifth Avenue. The committee is the last one to walk up the avenue. We walk to the grandstand on 63rd Street.

GP: Does your family come to the parade?

DS: Oh yes. My daughter goes there with her kids. I have six grandchildren: Rory, 16, Samantha, 16, Shannon, 14, Jack, 14, Connor, 10, and Michael, who is 9. They're all getting bigger by the minute. They live nearby. They call me Poppa D.

GP: How do your share your heritage with your grandchildren?

DS: They love to hear all the stories that I tell them from growing up in Ireland on the farm in Kildare. They get a kick out of the stories of my grandparents. My wife and I were hilariously happy when the grandkids came along. We gave each one a Miraculous Medal to keep them safe. And we got holy water from Ireland, from Knock, where the Blessed Virgin appeared years ago. Holy water is a big thing with the Irish. So far it keeps us safe.

GP: What do you tell them about the old days?

DS: I used to love to go dancing. I was a crazy man for dancing, and telling ghost stories.

GP: Do you mean the jig?

DS: I can do the jig and Irish half-step. But I was a ballroom dancer. We were very into the quick-step and the tango and the old-time waltz. The music would start up and you couldn’t make me sit down. There were so many dance halls back then. Every Irishman can do a few steps; it was born in you. I play the accordion, too. The musical instrument is hanging around the house and you don’t read music. You play by ear and all of a sudden there you go.

Sexton with Cardinal Edward Egan

GP: Bagpipes?

DS: I like the bagpipes, too. But if you want to listen to them now, you have to go to the parade.

GP: What else do you tell your grandchildren about your youth in Ireland?

DS: We didn’t have television, but every couple of houses had a radio. We’d go to the pictures, which is what we called going to the movies. We performed plays on the stage. We did Rosie O’Grady, The Plough and The Stars, The Monkey’s Paw. I did traveling plays for about four or five years there. You felt like a big celebrity and my whole family was involved. During Christmas, we went to houses dressed up and we would do a little dance in each house. This was how we entertained ourselves.

GP: Where you ever involved in the Troubles, the fighting in the north?

DS: Back then, people in the south of Ireland didn’t even know what was going on in the north. They weren’t into politics at all. My father was very involved in the Irish Republican Army and fighting the Black and Tans in the 1920s. But where we were it was a pretty affluent section of Ireland, and my family was involved in the racehorse business.

GP: Sounds like you have quite the history.

DS: The grandchildren bought me a tape recorder, to tell stories into the recorder.

GP: Do you sing those beautiful Irish songs to them, with the lilting melodies?

DS: I would always sing to my kids when driving along the highway in Ireland. Now I sing to my grandkids, Patsy Fagan, One Way Donkey Ride.

GP: What about Danny Boy?

DS: There’s no fun in Danny Boy. It’s too serious. That’s for the Irish Tenors.

GP: Have your grandchildren visited Ireland?

DS: We go home once every two years. I still say I’m going home. My grandchildren have been to Ireland several times. It’s a great feeling when you get back to where you came from. When you land in Dublin or Shannon, there's a feeling that comes over you and you feel like, “I’m home and I’m back.” I still feel that way. It’s so laid-back in the country.

GP: When you go back, what’s your impression of the old country?

DS: Dublin is catching up to the rat race and losing its Irishness. There’s a lot of immigration to Dublin; people come from all over. You think you are in New York. You go into a bar and there’s a Pakistani bartender and the hostess is from a different place. There are a lot of Polish people there, and they are keeping the Catholic religion and they look the same as the Irish. The Irish are moving up to electronics and computers and medical school. They don’t want to wait on tables anymore. Things are very good for people there. There’s a lot of commuting in cars and traffic is a problem, but that’s progress, I guess.

GP: Do you still have family there?

DS: Most of our relations are still over there. I must have 100 cousins there. I come from Kildare; it was a pretty well-off county. I didn’t have to come here. I came for curiosity. I was 20 when I came here, and I kept saying I was going home.

Sexton flanked by Rudy Giuliani and George Pataki

GP: Irish cuisine has such a bad reputation. Is it all true?

DS: Oh, you’ll have your corned beef and cabbage on St. Patrick’s Day here. But in Ireland they never heard of it. In Ireland, the fish is always the top. You would be amazed. The breakfast is unbelievable. Bacon, eggs, sausages, white and black pudding, fried tomatoes, brown homemade bread, and good old strong tea. You never need lunch if you have a big Irish breakfast. It’s famous in Ireland.

GP: What happened when you immigrated to the United States?

DS: Back then, if they found a crooked toenail or anything distorted on your body you couldn't come over. Also, someone had to sponsor you who had $5,000 in the bank. My aunt and uncle sponsored me.

GP: Tell me about your first year here.

DS: I got drafted after one year and one week in this country. Drafted in '58 and got out in '60. I was in the Army in Germany the same time as Elvis Presley and met him on the Autobahn in a convoy. He was a very good soldier. General Patton’s son, Major Patton, was my executive officer. He was a tall guy with white hair. You know, this country would be a lot better off if everyone went into the service for six months or a year. You can see there’s no respect today. Discipline is a great thing.

GP: And speaking of discipline, how are things with the parade these days?

DS: The drinking at the parade has been cracked down. It’s all tightened up now. The police are confiscating everything at Grand Central because people were getting tired of it. If we see something wrong, we have to get the cops, who were all Irish years ago.

GP: One last question. Have you ever kissed the Blarney Stone?

DS: To tell you the truth, it's only for the tourists. I don’t know of any Irish who kiss the Blarney Stone. We have the blarney without kissing the stone.