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The Lazy Grandparents' Guide to Grandparenting
by Mike Slosberg
GrumPa is at it again, this time grousing about his disdain for grandparenting. What a surprise.
Confession is good for the soul, right? Then this must be open season for soul-cleansing because people seem to be falling over each other, desperate to spill their guts about sexual peccadilloes, political infractions, literary plagiarism, and military-contract hanky-panky, to name a few. You pick the poison and chances are good someone's already tearfully confessed to it publicly.
Never one to sit on the sidelines, I also have a confession: I'm a lazy grandparent. There, I've said it! I have very little time, and about zero amount of passion for the whole grandparenting ball of wax. And, you might be surprised to learn I'm not alone in holding this seemingly heretical point of view.
About the extent of my involvement is the yellow diamond-shape decal I slapped on the back window of my 10-year-old sedan that announces: GRANDCHILD ON BOARD. Believe it or not, there are loads of grandparents (GPs) out there who believe they have better things to do, and lives far too full, to spend time babysitting, escorting rug rats to infantile animated movies, or to the park, and just hang out. The idea of blowing precious time doing any of that is no more appealing to many of us than wasting it fertilizing a lawn, scrubbing bathroom grout, or cleaning out the attic.
There is a growing group of GPs who are coming up with creative ways to get off the hook, so to speak, to be with the grandkids (GKs) in spirit without getting all blubbery about it. Face it, the day will come when your grandchild starts using that college fund you set up, and he won't give a hen's feather whether or not you spent a Saturday afternoon with him, building a snow fort.
But lazy takes work, imagination, and planning. So here are just a few things that lazy grandparents might look into.
Little Lazy Things:
*As soon as your daughter or daughter-in-law is pregnant, begin to gently circulate the idea that you have a small disability, a torn rotator cuff, bursitis, or lower back pain –– any type of condition that's easy to claim and almost impossible to verify. You could even occasionally use an inexpensive arm sling. Or a cane. When the baby comes, this "injury" will excuse you from lots of lifting, holding, and diaper-changing.
| “When it comes to presents, always give things that do not require any construction or participation on your part.” |
In the case of an older child, it will rule out hours of playing catch or crawling around on the floor being the guest of honor at stuffed-animal tea parties or playing horribly competitive video games. Or, heaven-forbid, giving horsey rides.
*It's never too early to begin training grandchildren to fetch. Send them to get you a cold beer from the fridge. A refill of chips. More dip. The newspapers. Your slippers. They'll quickly understand that it's the only way they get to have grandpa time.
*When it comes to presents, always give things that do not require any construction or participation on your part. No model planes, cars, or anything else that needs to be assembled, inflated, painted, or launched into the sky. No books that can't be read by the child. Reading to kids is the parents' job.
* Forget showing up for birthdays until the child's age is in double-digits. Until then, a card with money will suffice.
*Try giving handheld electronic stuff. A properly chosen item can keep the average kid out of your hair for hours and hours.
Big Lazy Things
*Paying someone to walk your grandkid is no more far-fetched than paying someone to walk your dog. I can envision enterprising young people in metropolitan areas earning textbook money by strolling the avenues, a group of little ones fanned out on the ends of brightly colored leashes, each having a wonderful time, in the company of their peers. Naturally, they would have to be heavily diapered, eliminating the possibility of any pooper-scooper law violations.
*Same goes for movies and amusement parks. Why would any adult in their right mind want to waste a Saturday afternoon surrounded by flying popcorn and deafening screeches from sugar-shocked kids? Outsource this immediately.
Grandparenting, in theory, can be fun. We all like showing pictures of the little ones to our drinking and poker buddies, comparing their academic accomplishments, hanging their cute little finger paintings on our refrigerator door.
But don't get involved if you don't have to. If you've nothing better to do with your time, find something. Believe me, it's worth it. You've just got to be lazy enough to do the work.
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69 Answers
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Heck, yeah. No grandparenting for me.
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Sometimes, I get up to here with them.
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Nope. I cherish my time with the GKs.
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| They brighten my day. Never know what they are going to say. Teaching them things and hearing them doing it saying it ect. just makes my day. They are 2, 2 1/2 and 3 1/2 years old.
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| I realize Mr.Slosberg is supposed to be a humorist & his article intended to be funny, it isn't. I've been told I have a great sense of humor many times,so it isn't that I'm a party pooper. I am,however, a severely disabled person with only one Grandchild who lives 8 hours away.How wonderful to see that none of the Grandparents in the poll agree with Mr. Slosberg's warped sense of humor. The fact is that Grandparents play a very important role in a child's life. Our life experiences can make wonderful stories to share. I still remember the ones told to me by my Grandparents, & passed them on to my children who learned later in life that those same "stories" were in fact history.
If we take the time to watch our little ones they will bring a smile to our face & joy to our hearts like no one else can. As serious as the rest of our lives can be we need these true little comedienns, we can learn to enjoy life through their antics. To them comedy comes naturally, just like laughter.
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| I Couldn't agree LESS - This is a horrible viewpoint with no humor value for me. I cherish every second I can get with my Grandchildren (and Children for that matter)...I know there are probably and unfortunately people out there that may feel this way and find this humorous - but I feel terrible for their Grandchildren. I find the opportunity to spend time with my Grandchildren frankly gives me a "second chance" to spend precious quality time that I unfortunately missed with my Children. I have apologized to each of them for my parental shortcomings - but I'm hoping that my Grandchildren will know how much I love them as long as I'm here.
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