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The Lazy Grandparents' Guide to Grandparenting
GrumPa is at it again, this time grousing about his disdain for grandparenting. What a surprise.
Confession is good for the soul, right? Then this must be open season for soul-cleansing because people seem to be falling over each other, desperate to spill their guts about ... read more
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Crazy Grandma
Everybody's got at least one wacky relative. We defy you to find one as, shall we say, spirited, as Hattie.
"My friends aren't welcome at the bar?"
Hattie nodded silently. Her friends knew what was coming. They'd seen that silent nod before. If her new boss had any idea that he'd ... read more
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Garry Marshall vs Lori Marshall: On Movie Ratings
When Garry Marshall, a writer, director, actor, and grandpa, disagrees with his daughter, Lori, a journalist, playwright, and mom, the truth becomes a laughing matter.
MOM LORI: Think back. At what age did you take me to my first R-rated movie?
POP GARRY: Jaws. You hid under the seat the entire movie. And we had to fish you out when the cr ... read more
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Clinton, McCain, and Obama: The Grandparent Side
What kind of grandparents would our presidential candidates make?
Clearly, all three of our by-now-exhausted, and highly caffeinated politicians, have worked their pollsters off, trying to become Leader of the Free World. As part of the proc ... read more
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When GrandGear Runneth Over
Got too much grandkid stuff hanging around? You're not alone.
I don’t know about you, but the only grandchild memorabilia I keep around is a single picture of the kid, which I update whenever I’m sent a new picture… li ... read more
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Your Dirty Deeds: To Tell or Not to Tell
Contrary to the cookie-cutter way you portray yourself to your grandkids, your salacious past made you the fun-loving grandparent you are today. Those moments should just never creep into dinner conversation... or can they?
There are secrets we keep, some not even suitable for virgin ears. These tales of debauchery and wrong-doing may even include tidbits your own children don’t even know & ... read more
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Grandpa Goes to the Gym
Find your gym type. Then change it, for your grandchild's sake.
Recently, when our 4-year-old granddaughter, Alexandra, called to chat, I happened to mention that I had just returned from the gym. Hearing that, she was absolutely astonishe ... read more
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Garry Marshall vs. Lori Marshall: On Discipline
When writer, director, actor, grandpa Garry Marshall disagrees with his daughter Lori, a journalist, playwright, mom, the truth becomes a laughing matter
POP GARRY: I sent your daughter Charlotte an e-mail last week and she hasn't written back.
MOM LORI: It'll be a few days. I had to take away her laptop.
POP GARRY: Why? Wa ... read more
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Ask GrumPa
Our crusty humor columnist tries his hand at giving advice
Dear GrumPa,
My son informed me that his wife is pregnant. I am like way too young and pretty to be a granny. What’s a girl to do?
Like Way Too Young
Dear Like Way,
... read more
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What Your Grandkids Don't Like About You
Face it, you annoy them. Lotsa luck trying to change things.
Like most grandfathers, I’ve learned that grandchildren are the most exciting thing to happen to me since I first qualified for Denny’s Senior Specials. Our grandd ... read more
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Yearning for a Grandchild? Maybe you Have Grand-Kidus Expectus
The following extract from The New England Journal of Really Weird Psychological Stuff is from a groundbreaking paper authored by one of the society's most distinguished members, Dr. Frank Lee Earnest.
FLE: Let me note, I have focused on one troubled couple –– the first I had encountered with this phenomenon, which I’ve named Grand-Kidus Expectus. The patho ... read more
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10 Worst Things to Say to Your Grandchild
Slips of the tongue are a grandparent's provenance. Just beware the biggies.
1. “I agree with you, darling. I think a snake would be a wonderful pet. Don’t worry, I’ll talk to your parents."
Regardless of the animal or reptile invol ... read more
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No Grandchildren?
Let's show a little compassion for anyone whose kids haven't cooperated
The other night, while devouring a sushi-grade tuna burger at my favorite tavern, I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between two couples at a nearby booth.
&ldq ... read more
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VIDEO: Bill Cosby's Classic Riff on Grandparents
Enjoy Cosby's classic riff on Grandparenthood, straight from YouTube.
Remember this classic riff on grandparents from Bill Cosby's 1983 Bill Cosby: Himself? Filmed in front of a live audience at the Hamilton Place Theatre in Hamilton, Ontario, h ... read more
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Opposing Thumbs: The Fine Art of Texting
These days, even answering the phone is complicated.
Back in the '70s, Tom Robbins’s novel, Even Cowgirls Get the Blues, introduced his readers to Sissy Hankshaw, a young lady born with enormous thumbs.
I was reminded of S ... read more
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The Name Game
You want Grandpa. You get Vlack-Vlack Baba. Deal with it.
Grown men and women are brought to their emotional knees slobbering over the thought of becoming a grandparent. They spend months imagining the joys of bonding with a few poun ... read more
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10 Places to Hide this Holiday Season
We all agree that the holidays are a magical time of year. However, when the grandkids start screaming, your son-in-law wants to talk politics, and your spouse says something about the dishes, we all need a place to hide....
The gym. No one will guess you finally used that free guest pass that's been on the fridge for months, the one that sits next to your weight chart from 2003. Note: You don't h ... read more
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The Thanksgiving Boss
All men are born knowing certain things. This includes knowing...OK, nothing really. Let´s face it. If men chose occupations based on their intellectual gifts, an unfort ... read more
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Back in Their Day...
Asking your grandkids about the old days makes them into historical revisionists.
Remember the TV show Kids Say the Darndest Things? If they ever revive it, they should consider changing the cast to grandkids, since what they say about their grandparents ma ... read more
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Nursery Rhymes Just for Grandparents
Admit it. Sometimes we just don't want to sing yet another cloying ditty. Here are a few that shed new light on grandparenting.
HUSH LITTLE BABY WITH A VEGAN NUT-JOB MOM
Hush little baby, don’t say a word
Grandma’s gonna buy you organic bean curd
And if your mom says that’s not heal ... read more
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